


it had to be you.

by vicbartons



Series: Robron Week 2018 [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, but only for a minute, hints at smut, maybe give it a chance?, supportive!husbands, yes i know i brought alex back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 01:32:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14094108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vicbartons/pseuds/vicbartons
Summary: Five years down the line, a face from the past brings up some painful memories and drags up insecurities that Robert thought he´d put behind him a long time ago.





	it had to be you.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as part of this year´s [Robron Week](https://robronweek.tumblr.com/) for the prompt: past/memories.

_"Some others I've seen might never be mean. Might never be cross, or try to be boss. But they wouldn't do. For nobody else gave me a thrill. With all your faults, I love you still. It had to be you, wonderful you” - Frank Sinatra_

 

* * *

 

It was honestly his own fault for thinking that he didn't need to bother with the work gloves. He was only going to move that one last piece of scrap about after all.

Obviously, he should have bothered, if the massive cut dragging from the palm of his hand up to his forearm was anything to go by. Not putting the gloves on had been supposed to save him a couple of precious minutes, so that he´d be able get home sooner which would in turn have given him more time to get everything in order before Aaron would finally show up after having spent the past week and a half at some scrapper convention in Sheffield.

Eleven days apart from each other were far too long for Robert´s taste. (And Aaron´s. His husband could call Robert a “soppy git” all he liked when he told him he missed him at the end of their daily evening phone calls. The warm, longing tone in his voice betrayed him every single time.) Both Liv and Seb agreed that Robert´s fry-up didn´t hold a candle to Aaron´s and also that a constantly moping, aaron-less Robert was quite frankly unbearable. And Robert himself was basically going out of his mind with boredom, spending most days all alone in the portacabin to keep the scrapyard going while Aaron was away and most importantly, he had once again realised that the bed was simply too big and too cold for just one. So the two of them had some making up to do and Robert had plans.

Suffice it to say that those plans had not included a trip to A&E.

Now, instead of on his sofa, he was stretched out on a treatment couch at Hotten General with an old, dog-eared issue of Auto Express in his hands that one of the nurses had handed him to pass the time until a doctor would arrive, the crackling noise of the white paper sheet sticking to the bottom of his jeans driving him a little more insane with his every move. Even more so than the hustle and bustle of the ward around him from which he was only shielded by a yellowish curtain that Robert feared had once upon a time been white.

By the time he saw the curtain open up about an hour and a half later, Robert thought he deserved some kind of award for not having asked to speak to a superior even once in all that time. Long live the NHS! They were lucky that he was growing patient in his old age.

“Right, Mr. Sugden.”

Robert didn't even have time to think about where he knew the doctor´s voice from before he looked up from his magazine and saw him. Tall, lanky, broad shoulders and a full head of brown hair, wearing a pair of light green scrubs.

Robert hadn't expected _him_.

Hadn't thought of him at all over the past five years, to be perfectly honest.

Alex didn't even flinch at the sight of him, just gave a courteous nod as a greeting before he buried his nose back in the admission sheet. He was sporting more of a poker face than Robert had ever expected Mr. Good Guy ™ to be capable of, but then again, he´d had a heads-up thanks to Robert´s name on the file.

He let his eyes wander over the file one more time before he took a step forward and took Robert´s injured hand in his, taking in the nurse's sewing-job.

“Well those look good, Patrick did a nice job,” he assessed with a smile on his face.

As he took a step back, the way his hand was fiddling with the head of the stethoscope he had hanging around his neck was the only indication that this was indeed making him at least slightly uncomfortable, which Robert couldn't help but be somewhat pleased by.

Not being the person with the upper hand in the room wasn't exactly a position he thrived in.

“You were lucky. A centimeter further and you could have hit an artery,” Alex explained, his tone seeping of fake politeness, which might just be the way he approached every patient after having already spent and overly long shift at the hospital, but knowing Alex even a little bit, Robert was fairly certain that the young doctor reserved this particular brand of aversion for him and a select few.

“I just need to have a look at your vitals and after that I'll send in a nurse to bandage you up and we can send you home, alright?”

Robert only nodded sternly.

“So,” Alex started, hesitantly trying for smalltalk without even looking up at him from the admission sheet, “you and Aaron then?”

Robert´s eyes widened in surprise.

“How did you-”

It wasn´t just surprise about Alex seemingly knowing about him and Aaron, more so about him actually having the bottle to bring up Aaron at all. For all his talents when it came to charming people with his words, under the circumstances Robert would have prefered a bit of awkward silence over whatever this was turning into.

“Emergency contact,” he explained.

Robert should have figured as much.

“Right.”

“Yes, me and Aaron,” he answered with more certainty. A smug smile played around his lips as he said it, but there was an air of defensiveness to his tone. One that hadn't been there the last time Alex and him had had a similar conversation. Back when Robert had just escaped death yet again, and had resigned himself to a life without Aaron in it. A life that would have included watching Aaron be happy with Alex or God-knows-who and being happy for him because of it.

But that was then and this was now.

And right now he wasn't going to have Mr. Nice Guy with the irritatingly good hair question their relationship.

_Not anymore._

Not after all the work he and Aaron had put into making it work. Not after all the heartbreak and fighting and making up again and somehow managing to make a home and a family for themselves on the way. They were good now, truly solid, and most importantly, they were happy.

So he certainly wasn't about to take any shit from the unfortunate rebound.

(Deep down Robert knew better than to think that Alex had been unfortunate. Knew that that relationship -  no matter how loveless and short-lived it might have been at the end of the day, and no matter how much Robert would have liked to erase it and everything surrounding it from his memory -  had been an important experience for Aaron and these days Robert was man enough to admit that Alex had been good for his husband. He'd cared. He'd helped. He´d given Aaron the chance to fix things that Robert had broken. And ultimately, he´d inadvertently helped bring them back together.

But Alex definitely didn't need to know about any of that. At least not in detail.

And even now, five years later, Robert certainly wasn't a big enough man to not at least hate him slightly for having gotten to share those experiences with his husband.

There was a line after all.)

“How soon was it then?” Alex´s question interrupted Robert´s train of thought. “After he kicked me out, I mean? A day? A week?”

Robert couldn't help but huff a low, hearty laugh.

“Oh,” he explained sarcastically, “a solid 3 hours. At least,” and he couldn´t stop a mischievous grin from tugging at the corners of his mouth as he thought about Aaron knocking on the door to Keeper´s that night, about the epic romantic speech that his usually so tight-lipped husband had used to tear down every last one of Robert´s defences and shatter every carefully constructed argument that Robert had made in his mind to convince himself that the two of them shouldn't fall back together again, before he had pulled him in for the best third first kiss Robert had ever received.

(And the last first kiss either one of them would ever need.)

When he looked back up at Alex, hoping that his answer had gotten to the smarmy doctor at least a little bit, the younger man was only smiling at him as he slowly twisted the wedding ring that was sitting on the ring finger of his left hand.

Robert hated to admit it, but seeing it there along with the content look on Alex´s face settled something in him. Finally shifting this strange conversation from the rehashing of a long lost competition (though Robert knew better than to let Aaron ever hear him describe it in those terms) that had made Robert feel like he was being pushed into a corner, desperate to defend himself and his relationship, to friendly banter. And banter Robert could deal with, even the somewhat awkward kind.

“Figured as much,” Alex muttered and Robert couldn't help but notice the confused look on his face as he spoke, like it had taken him a while to resign himself to this fact. “You two always seemed pretty inevitable, looking back on it. Still can't figure out why Aaron kept me around as long as he did,” he tried to joke, but they both heard that tiny shard of dejection hiding underneath his smile that Robert knew too well from whenever he spoke about Katie.

Maybe that was what made him speak up.

“You were good for him,” he offered earnestly, “He needed that back then. Something good and uncomplicated.” Alex´s eyes widened, Robert´s words obviously taking him by surprise. Robert himself was rather shocked that the words had tumbled out of his mouth without a warning. The him of five years ago would have maybe thought them, but he certainly wouldn't have said them. “Just not forever,” he added nonchalantly and hoped it would sting.

He wasn't perfect after all. Had no intention to be, really. He also had a reputation to uphold.

It's not like he needed to mark his territory when it came to Aaron, but he wasn't a completely changed man and pointing out the ultimately finite nature of Alex and Aaron's relationship helped settle the aching feeling that haunted his gut whenever he thought of those seven months of Aaron that he had missed out on. All those mornings in bed and evenings in front of the tv and hugs and kisses that Alex got to have, when it should have been Robert.

“No,” Alex muttered in response, “not forever.”

“Got some great stories out of it though,” he added, lightening the mood with his slight change of topic. “Worst boyfriend I ever had, my friends reckon.” A genuine grin spread across his face.

“Funny,” Robert deadpanned, “he says the same thing about you.”

He didn´t. They didn't talk about Alex. (They had once, curled up under the sheets during that first week Robert had spent back at the Mill, when he was feeling insecure and Aaron had reassured him that this, them, had been exactly the right choice and that it was the only thing he needed for the rest of his life. And that had been that.)

It still felt good to get the dig in though.

“Walked right into that one, didn't I?” Alex grinned back at him and if Robert´s words had stung, he at least didn't show it. ”Well, your bloodwork is looking good and your vitals are normal. Just make sure you change the bandages regularly for the next three weeks and you should be just fine.” Robert felt like there should be an “unfortunately” tagged to the end of that sentence, but Alex had the good sense to keep it to himself, because of course he did.

“I'll send in a nurse to handle your discharge papers and then you´re good to go,” Alex explained, holding his hand out for Robert to shake.

“Aaron coming to pick you up then?” he asked as he gave Robert a solid handshake.

“Should be here any minute now,” Robert smiled, unable to keep his excitement off his face, even though this certainly wasn't the reunion he had been hoping for.

“Right, that's my queue to leave then,” Alex smiled as he turned back towards the curtain, ready to leave. “I´d tell you to not fuck it up again, but Aaron always seemed pretty dead set on you, god knows why. Seriously though,” he turned his head to face Robert one more time, “he´s a good guy, he deserves a bit of happiness I reckon.”

“Not really your place to lecture me, is it?” _Robert wished he was feeling as confident as he sounded_ , that one stupid throwaway comment didn't feel like a punch to his gut that had the power to set some ugly insecurities free and let them slowly rear their ugly heads again. Sadly, kicking old habits wasn't as easy as people liked to make it out to be. Still he carried on. He wasn't about to let Alex of all people in on all those secrets he barely admitted to himself.  “But I know he does, so I'm not planning on it,” he said.

“And thanks, for this,” he added, giving Alex a wave with his stitched-up hand.

“Well, you know me, proper legend,” Alex smiled.

“Right, how could I forget?”

“Bye Robert,” he said, “I really hope I won't see you around.”

Robert just rolled his eyes at him before nodding.

Yeah, he really wished he was feeling as confident as he sounded.

 

* * *

 

Luckily, Aaron didn't show up at the hospital until Robert was back in the visitor´s room, all patched up and waiting to be taken back home. So it seemed the universe hadn't completely turned his back on him just yet and decided to spare him the awkwardness of the three of them running into each other at least.

 

* * *

 

Robert had meant it. He didn't think of Alex. He really didn't. Why would he? Him and Aaron had something good. They had built a family, a proper life over the past five years and these days Robert got to go to bed without fearing that Aaron would leave him come morning. (Well, most days, old habits and all that).

But now there he was. On his mind. With his kind smile and his annoyingly nice head of hair and the even nicer demeanour and the nice job and probably a nice husband and 1.5 really nice kids and a dog waiting for him at home.

_Nice._

Everything that Robert wasn´t.

_And everything that Aaron should have._

And that's what Robert couldn´t shake.

It brought back that tingling feeling under his skin. Not the good kind though, not the kind he had felt just a couple of minutes ago when Aaron´s fingernails were grazing down his arms and he was breathing into the crook of his neck as he slowly came down from the high of his orgasm after a glorious round of reunion sex. No, this was the bad kind of tingling, the one that made him want to scratch at his skin until it was all red and raw, every emotion that Robert had been trying to bury suddenly exposed for everyone to see.

“Do you ever regret it?”

He hadn't meant to say it out loud. Not now. Not when he finally had Aaron naked underneath him after eleven days apart, all blissed out and with his fingers drawing comforting lines and circles across the lengths of Robert´s back. Not ever, really.

But now it was out, mumbled into the quiet of their bedroom, right into the soft skin beneath Aaron´s ear and there was no taking it back.

“That?” Aaron wondered breathlessly with a smile on his face, his hand giving Robert´s upper thigh a tight squeeze.”I was actually thinking of giving it another go, if you´re not too out of it already.”

He could have taken Aaron´s out, made a joke of it and forgotten about it all, but Robert was feeling cracked open and insecure and he also wasn't stupid enough to think that Aaron would believe him, so he carried on.

“No,” his voice was nothing more than a whisper. “Me.”

The words just hung in the air for a moment. Robert too petrified to follow-up and Aaron stunned into silence. But it only took him a second before his fingers found their way to the soft skin under Robert´s chin and he pulled him up to look him in the eyes, Robert´s head resting on his chest.

“Don't be ridiculous,” he muttered, pressing a soft, lingering kiss against his husband´s forehead. “Where´s this coming from?” And merely the warm concern in Aaron´s voice was enough to make every last one of Robert´s defenses crumble, if there had been any left to begin with.

“I ran into Alex at the hospital and-” he started.

“Oh,” the word softly tumbled out of Aaron's mouth as his hand protectively found its way to Robert´s face, thumb rubbing over his cheek. They didn't talk about him, but Aaron knew what Alex meant, knew what he reminded Robert of. They might never talk about him, but they had talked about everything else surrounding that painful year of their lives a hundred times over; whispered about it right here in their bed with their limbs entangled, screamed about it downstairs in the kitchen, the table between them the only thing keeping them from shoving at each other, muttered their truths into each other´s skin curled up on their sofa, turned it into lessons learned while sitting in their counselor's office.

They had mulled it over as much as they would ever need to. They had learned from it and they had moved on.

But sometimes something would happen and suddenly it would be like they´d broken up yesterday and everything was _fresh_ again, the pain tugging at their insides threatening to tear them apart.

“And?” Aaron soldiered on with a raised eyebrow, having an inkling of where this conversation was going, but knowing full-well that they were already too far down the rabbit hole to ignore it and just move on.

Robert turned his head down and buried his nose deep in the crook of Aaron´s neck before he continued, unable to look his husband in the eye as he spoke. “Did you know he's married now?” he asked, trying and failing miserably to sound nonchalant.

“No, I didn´t. Why does it matter?” Unlike Robert, Aaron had better things to do than stalk other people's facebook pages. But this really didn't seem the time to get into that argument (again). Instead, he let his hand fall into Robert´s hair and brushed his fringe back from his forehead, hoping that the calming gesture would serve its purpose and get Robert to open up properly and talk to him, instead of shutting down once things got tough to go into a tailspin all on his own later, after Aaron had fallen asleep.

“He's got it all figured out, doesn't he?” Robert muttered almost reverently. “The job, the husband, the house, the kids. Probably got a cute dog as well.” Aaron wasn't sure if it was jealousy, disgust or anger he heard in Robert´s voice, probably a mix of all three with a healthy dose of self-hatred thrown in for good measure. What he did know however was that he wanted to take it all away.

“Set a PI on him now, did you?” Aaron tried for a joke to lighten the mood, but to no one's surprise it fell flat. Robert just shook his head, his mob of blonde hair brushing against Aaron´s chin as he moved. “What? No. I just-” he stuttered, agitation clear in his voice.

“Then how do you know any of that?” Aaron reasoned, his hand now moving further back, his thumb drawing circles in that spot right behind Robert´s ear. A trick he had picked up over the years, that always helped Robert calm down, no matter the source of his stress.

“I don't,” Robert granted, but the knowledge alone didn't seem enough to assuage his fears. “He just seems the type to-”

“To what?” Aaron interrupted again, because if he let Robert go on, his husband would slowly but surely bury himself in a hole that it would take the two of them days to get him out of.

“Get everything right,” Robert whispered and for the first time in a while he looked up at Aaron from under his lashes, worry and fear etched into every inch of his face.

“Right,” Aaron murmured in response, his index finger slowly running down the edge of Robert´s nose and along his cheekbones, trying to smooth out the wrinkles his husband had left on his own face in scrunching it up in worry. “You do realize you barely know the bloke, do ya? I mean, I was with him for months and I could barely tell you five things about him,” he argued as a smile crept onto his face.

But that still didn't seem to appease Robert completely, though he couldn't help but match Aaron's small smile at least for a second, remembering what he had teasingly labeled the “Rocky Horror Incident” in his mind. Still, it wasn't enough to scare away the last remnants of the pictures that Robert had managed to make in his own head in his paranoia, all of them building up slowly throughout the day, ever since Alex had stepped into his line of sight in the hospital for the first time in years: Of Aaron and Alex holding hands in the well kept garden of a big white house with a white picket fence, two little children -  a boy and a girl, both the spitting image of Aaron, all dark curls and blue eyes - running circles around them as they chased after a Golden Retriever. Paddy and Chas smiling happily at them all from the sidelines.

The rational side of his brain knew that all of that was nonsense. That that wasn't the life Aaron wanted. That it most likely wasn't even the life Alex wanted. The rational side of Robert knew that Aaron loved him, just as much as he loved Aaron and that what they had together was good and solid and better than any fake idea of picture perfect happiness could ever be, because it was real.

But he was feeling vulnerable and insecure and his rational side was losing the fight right now.

“I know enough,” Robert sighed heavily.

“Like what?” Aaron´s hand found its way back underneath Robert´s chin, pulling him up once more so that their noses where almost touching as he spoke.

“That he's better than me, “ Robert asserted, his voice clear for the first time, “Good.” He looked right into Aaron's eyes at that. “The kind of guy you should be with,” he finished, not breaking eye contact for even a second, green eyes staring right into blue ones.

_And there it was._

“What does that even mean?” Even with his voice soft and calm, Aaron made it sound like a challenge, like he dared Robert to prove him wrong. He knew that him getting angry was the last thing Robert needed right now, but if Robert wanted to question Aaron´s choice of husband, even he would have to bring forth some impressive arguments. Whatever they were, he would fail miserably (just like everyone else had throughout the years, Aaron himself included), but Aaron was all for giving him a fair chance and more importantly, he was all for Robert talking himself out of this paranoid nonsense he had talked himself into.

“A guy like that would never hurt you like I did.” Robert´s voice almost broke at that, every syllable seeping of honesty and determination, like there had never been anything Robert had been more sure of than this simple fact.

_Only it wasn´t a fact at all._

“A guy like that,” Aaron wagered, rubbing his nose against Robert´s, “also would never love me like you do.” He softly kissed his husband on the mouth at that for emphasis, before pulling back just an inch. “And more importantly,” he continued, “I´d never love any of those nice blokes like I love you. Cause they aren't you.”

Aaron took his chance and pulled Robert into a proper kiss. The warm, reassuring kind that let Robert know that he meant every word of it, the kind that - on a good day - was able to push all of Robert´s doubts and insecurities to the side for a bit as he let himself be wrapped up in his husband´s love for him for a while.

It took a second, but slowly, Aaron could feel Robert leaning into his touch, his edges softening under Aaron´s attention as he let his mouth fall open and his hands wander upwards towards Aaron´s face, pulling him impossibly closer.

They lay like that for a minute, all warm breath and tongues and with every touch of their lips, Aaron could feel Robert relax a little more.

“Guess you've got terrible taste in men then,” Robert softly smiled against him as he pulled back to catch his breath, his hands now tangled into Aaron's soft, curling bed hair.

“I obviously do,” Aaron grinned into the space between them, before pressing his lips back against Robert´s. “Quiet happy with that though.”

Robert rolled them over until he was leaning over Aaron, peppering slow kisses down the line of his jaw, a grin that matched Aaron´s spreading across his face as he went.

“Yeah?” he whispered against Aaron´s skin.

“Yeah.”

Aaron couldn't help but laugh, his legs spreading open to make more room for Robert to settle between them. “Happiest I've ever been, really.”

“Me too,” Robert smiled as he made his way down Aaron's happy trail and with that Alex and everything that came with him was forgotten for a while, pushed away by the warm feeling of happiness that settled in the pit of Robert´s stomach at the sound of his husband´s laughter. 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr [@vicbartons](https://vicbartons.tumblr.com/)


End file.
